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__:: my letters to
you
:: [ ary ] |
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shall go get some shuteye soon.. hopefully eyebags wont show up later.. and i still got my pre java report to finish... damn. ary - skidded off the path @ 3:52 AM
tomorrow hav to make my way back to school.. ubermiss school.. haha~ and ubermiss kak too.. =s gonna have dk tomorrow.. uberlooking forward to it.. eyes feelin very heavy.. just got cash.. gonna go penin one of these days.. any kind soul want to tag along? yeah or else i'll have to go alone la abalone... a m a l i n a. hahaha~ saw her at tm a few days back.. tak sangker ko ader history ngan member aku eh~ hahahaha ok bye~ skud- ary - skidded off the path @ 1:01 AM
anihows.. got back from camp a few days back.. was uber cool at nite la.. went pq-ing everywhere.. from engineering rooftop to mensa rooftop to design rooftop.. crazy ppl.. hahaa~ got a place at sakura..quiting bk i think.. not that alot of ppl wud stop me from quiting.. been jamming alot at suf's place lately.. jimmy eat world metallica ketika (filament) Eagles been thinking alot lately too.. distancing myself from stuff resisiting my brains from exploding talked to ana yesterday~ uberfun ubercool gerl.. haha~ u cud just sit there and listen to her talk without getting bored..helped get my mind off stuff.. thankyouuu.. we'll meet up soon i hope.. haha~ small hands you... haha~ feeling sleepy all over again.. and hungry.. noones at home so yeah... gonna go play ps or sumthing and if anione of u guys out there is uberbored, ring me.. dying to go out.. skuD- ary - skidded off the path @ 3:01 PM
dk was uberuberfun.. finally got to jam after like so long.. otc was.. even funner (at nite) .. wasn't as happening as foc..wasn't as loud.. wasn't as hypered.. maybe coz kebanyakan ciner ar.. maybe yeah.. haha~ and saw of all ppl.. janice!! haha~ jan jan jan jan jan... subcom sehhhhh... haha~ activities were okae but found ways to tuang.. haha~ but then when nite falls.. its a totally different story.. haha~ first nite grouped up with id,naz,zikky,fahmy and this other guy.. pq-ed mensa rooftop, and pq-ed our way out of school when we cud just use the stairs.. -_-" went round bedok reservoir and saw stuff.. haha~ lepaked at playground and told ghost stories before heading back to school at round five plus.. haha~ next day we were like pandas.. puffy eyes.. haha~ and everywhere we went we slept..yalaa.. two days without sleep..and running around in the morning.. wad u expect? second nite! grouped up again sky was uber beautiful.. uber uber beautiful.. ah will update more.. tol- chill beb..kalau hati dah penat kiter relak sua nak? haha~ look forward to jamming with u guys again ar.. dah laaamer tak lepak ngan kau kan sayang.. hahahaha~ later- skud- pq-ed engine room and engine rooftop.. freaking spooky the engine room at nite.. lets just say the trip was interesting.. went up block fifteen.. played "bluff" and taiti on the rooftop with naz dozing off.. got down around two coz was way sleepy.. freaky freaky engine rooftop..from outside, the engine room looked like places to store coffins at nite.. =S ary - skidded off the path @ 1:20 AM
5.23 am.. tau tadi thon pat esplanade ngan dorang ar. damn. ary - skidded off the path @ 5:21 AM
wadever- ary - skidded off the path @ 2:39 AM
myte hav to quit school.. was afraid it'll come to this.. family is taking a toll on me.. real bad.. just finished "discussion".. yeah.. life isn't always fair.. you hav to go "down" sumtyme..but then there is and "up" after u've fallen.. rite? RiTE??? don't know how much more i can take ardi.. all happy on the outside when all i wanna do is break down and scream.. fis help... ='( need thy advice.. kak.. need buzzinngg... ='( today was .. okae.. supposed to meet lati at nyte but had to trudge all the way to sengkang. so so sorry girl.. so so sorry.. =( met up with filament after the whole thing.. plus faidi and a'an.. crapped a whole lot.. went home and boom. it became cococrunch.. ha ha. haiz.. skud- ary - skidded off the path @ 2:32 AM
wadever la.. movin on movin on.. today was shitty. to sum it all up today was freaking shitty. thanx to ps2 fer making me forget all my probs and sis!! aha~ for smsing me when i least expect it~ =) thank you.. =) cudnt lepak wid the usual peeps just now.. had to make my way to sengkang. ok today was shitty coz : - woke up feeling fucked up coz i knew i was gonna fail dfund. - she just had to screw me in the morning coz i didnt wake up at 6 fer sumting. - Forgot my ciggs and had to trudge all the way home from central just to get it. - came to school to find out that i was DEFINATELY gonna fail. my fault yeah. - didn't bring cash and only realised it when i came to school. - missin sunone . gonne meet upid ya soon kae sis? =) and i'll bring along adam haha~ - and a whole lot of other things i wont put here. today was great coz: - yan gave me 3 sticks.. hmmm.. hahahaha thanx ar bro.. ah.. bye ah. skud- ary - skidded off the path @ 1:08 AM
now how does it feel? i've warned you.. i've tried restraining you..but u kept being stubborn. i told you not to let your heart control your mind so many freaking times..i warned you about how you would feel, the consequences.. I freaking told you. but u were still stubborn.. so now its not my fault.. ha. how does it feel now buk? hmm? yours sincerely, skud. ary - skidded off the path @ 10:17 PM
cries out in desperation. help la fuck. ah- skud-bes ary - skidded off the path @ 1:55 AM
Dear you, Ask yourself. How long have you been living in a world where reality and fantasy have been fused together so well that you can't tell the difference? Ask yourself, does it hurt living every single day in a world where u try so hard to believe that things are the way you want them to be? Ask yourself, how does it feel when actually you arent what you want to be? Sometimes , you need to take a step back, away from this world in which your fantasies/emotions and reality become one. Take a step back and use ur mind, not heart to look at how things really are. It does hurt to be slapped back , to be violently pulled away from your world in which u are so contented with and be thrown back into reality , where you aren't anybody special. Face it , I dont want to be mean but you're just an average joe, living in a world brimming to its rim with people much better than you. A world where you can't expect things to always go your way. Look around you. Theres a Gazillion guys better looking and possesing better qualities than yourself. Hey, Stop Dreaming. You simply can't have what you want. Stop living in your world, where you dream and fantasise about stuff. You're wasting your time. Your toying with your emotions. When things go awry, you have no one to blame except...YOURSELF. Instead, step into the real world , where life isn't always fair, where you have to fight to stay ontop. Nothing is going to change if you choose to stay rooted. And about Her . Cm'n bro.. You know where you stand in her heart. You freaking know she doesn't see you the way you want to be seen. So why ? Why are you still freaking dreaming? Get a grip my friend. Get a firm grip and shake it out of ur mind. Theres alot of other fishes in the freaking sea. Don't go round in circles. Its gonne hurt no one but.. YOURSELF. Lemme ask you something my friend, doesn't it hurt u to get ur hopes high and then let them be crushed from existance over and over again? And doesn't it hurt when you pick urself up so panifully from being crushed and dusting yourself off so casually that nobody, not even the people close to you, actually realise whats going on? Doesn't it hurt you my friend, to smile and laugh, to put up that facade, when deep down inside the words u hear rips u so violently apart? You don't need to go thru all this my friend. Dont suffer any longer. I know how you feel. You don't want to live life this way. You're exhausted from bottling it all up. You're tired of hurting urself over and over again. You don't know what you want right now. You've been crushed so slowly till there's times when you feel like a burden, like a tin can, crushed and ready for disposal... i've always been part of u.. i'll know.. i'll know it when it ends... for i AM u buk... Yours Sincerely, Skud. ary - skidded off the path @ 1:33 PM
hah~ supposed to be mugging wid fauzi but decided to go take a "break".. haha~ ria dropped by just now..dunnow if she really got anithin into her head ~ =P hahaha~ stupid shit. The canteens aren't open on saturdays. uberstupid. had to go out all the way to Tenderbest to go fill my stomach. Ha- a hungry man is a man who wont be able to study.. yesternite went down to st21 to meet up with filament..haha~ churned out a few.. 'okay' songs.. but still, "ketika" beats it all.. haha~ ubernice! dunno why manje had to go off so fast.. talked wid lati on the fone.. aiseh.. gurllll... get a grip kae? chill laccc....theres still a long way to go aite~ =) took 3a home..on the bus ria called..lucky you..get to ride on a rxz.. haha~ nahmind nahmind.. next yr i'll get my nSr! wahahaha~ macam betulll je~ =P haha~ rabak la matrock. apesal ko nak balik TPJC???? mepek ah.. continue je ar pat TP.. kan senang.. dah baik baik nak buat musicvox nyer band aku pon dah malas sak. mepppeeeekkk tapi all the best ar beb.. totally unfair kak gets to have fun at johor while im stuck here at tP lib supposedly mugging my b*lls off.. argh i feel so sleepy i cud slp and drool on my books.. Hooked on MCR (mychemicalromance) "Thank You for The Venom" is ubernice.. yeah go d/l go... ha~ yesterday went for GL interview.. spontaneus ar..ria aini fahmy "saikoed" me to join~ hahaha~ yeah.. got in la.. the interview-er kekek sak!! was wearing this smart shirt and tie.. but he obviously was a yr three guy.. nak step job interview kapaaa~ hahahahaha ~ "im not okae im not okae im not okae you wear me out chorus from MCR.. ah shit. tonite hav to drag my butt down to werk.. arghh. overnite lagik.. so darn uberlazy! argh! haha~ apian a.k.a tol~ haha ~ gua support sama lu brader~ hahaha~ later - skud- ary - skidded off the path @ 3:15 PM
think bout it. will you? ary - skidded off the path @ 1:34 AM
kaaak! worried.. =S haiz.. nites.. skuD- ary - skidded off the path @ 1:16 AM
AHAHAHAHAHHAHA. ey.. news travel fast dude. banyak ko nyer _ i _ _ _ _ . haha~anyhoots if u think im talking bout u, ur prolly rite and i wish u all the best in ur future "endeaovurs" and "adventures"~ ha ha ha~ hahahahaha~ hey i luv this! hahahaha~ yeah.. such a... ah i dunno wad to say la.. nak kater aper pat dalam otak aku tapi nanti org teraser la.. haha~ anihoots.. beside me is nisa... nisa the eng nisa.. haha~ the louuudd nisa.. wahaha.. yeah.. shes surfing anak melayu with her ever so large earrings (haha~ yeah.. no connection i noe~ =P) haha~ yeah..came screaming at me when she found out her tutorial was at 4 instead of 2.. wahaha~ tulaa.. suroh check timetable taknak.. confident... kan dah malu kannn.. hahahaha~ lalala~ term test is less than six freaking days away.. shud get myself hyped up soon.. wonderin wheres kak... hmmmmmm~ just ate .. so darn freaking full i feel like sleeping on the floor seh. ha~ but the comfy cushions all taken up ardi.. so wad the heck. can't borrow can't study can't anithink. -_-" wonderin hows lynn doing.. haha~ u pink freakkk!! haha~ elo lynn! okok..shall update more when i feel like it.. till then.. skud- ary - skidded off the path @ 2:16 PM
ary - skidded off the path @ 10:19 PM
haiz.. shit la.. im feeling so freaking empty. like.. im .. yearning for something.. something which to this moment i have no idea of wad it actually is... i've been keeping it inside of me, tolerating it .. smiling, tryna forget that the void actually exists within me.. some people say i need God.. some say i need to worry less about money.. some say its love.. i just dont know.. if its god then why is he putting me thru such shit? i know im not supposed to be asking these kind of questions but i just want to know.. why can ppl live lives better than me? why cant i just be happy.. just be able to live one freaking day without worries.. knowing that at the end of the day im just gonna be happy.. if its money... i have money.. at least i have enuf cash to allow me to live life with the basic necessities i need like food, water, pool and stuff.. i dont want lots of cash.. its just gonna make things.... worst... if its love... i .. dunno.. i have plenty of love from all ard me.. my friends, akak, fellow braders.. kak ifa said i needed a gf.. but doesnt a gf give u the same stuff as ur fellow mates? dont they??? haiz.. fuck fuck fuck.. i need someone to talk to ...u wont understand wad im going thru bro.. i just know u wont.. thanks fer tryna helping me out though.. someone please help... please..no i've no more inside strenght or will or wadever u call it to cry.. i just feel like an empty tin waiting to be crushed and recycled into someting else... skud-out ary - skidded off the path @ 9:54 PM
oyah~ met Farah!!! ohwowww.. my long lost mate and crush back in the mendaki days.. looked so much like you though kak~ hahaha~ yeah.. she's still pretty as ever and still so boinky when we terserempak~ haha~ "eh!! bukk!!!!!!!" then i was like.. "eh!! yOU!!!!" haha~ (when i actually forgot the name) then all sorts of names came out.. there was "eh, kau marlina eh? azlina eh? rashida eh? " malu sehh!! damnnn~ then it finally came to my head her name was faRAh!!! wahahahaha~ then met ppl who i didnt know.. but who knew my name.. most of em from j2.. had a hard time keeping my face straight.. haha~ then after all that called up ria~ wahaha~ was gushing about performance and all that stuff.. haha~ then got to be.. GaTAL!!! wahahahahahhaha~ hi!! oh hi! haha~ bye!! oh byee~! hahaha~ mannnnn wasted the opportunity seh~ hahaha.. ended up at asshalihin with tired eyes and crapmed arms.. made many friends the day before.. was uber uber cool~ haha thenn yest! went out wid me one and only kak.. wahaha.. banyak nyer akak nak lari eh~ =p haha~ but.. hope she's feeling better ar~ poor gal.. down wid fever .. on a beau-tiful sunday somore~ =S haha~ watched meet the fockers!! darn funny with the ass-hooooeee and the dog humping everything it sees bit~ hahahaha~ then went far east and mac.. before going off to pool wid adam.. SIngapore won three one!! wahahahahaha~ but gotta give it to indonesia la.. playing with a tragedy that had just unfolded before em.. who knows.. maybe they;ve lost their own family members.. =S haha~ dah lazy to type ar... shall update more... later- skud~ ary - skidded off the path @ 1:51 PM
not feeling too good today.. yeah im hypered bout tomorrows gig but just not feeling myself lately. annndd after much beating around the bush i had to come across it and it had to fucking snap me back to fucking reality. Thanx. haha seriously thanx (in a good way la)... i had to snap out of it sooner or later.. luckily fer me it was sooner not later yeah.. wudn have been too good if it was during the term test period.. oooh yesss i feel so good now. (dripping with sarcasm) -_-" happy? self reflections : yeah.. salah aku jugak.. mimpi peh mimpi sampai ke jauh gitu.. macamaner tak raser sakit biler ditarik semula ke bumi? ha? kalau lah aku tahu.. yang tak akan jadi patut aku biarkan tak menjadi ar. kiwak tul.. ishh.. geramnyer aku pat diri aku sendiriiiiiii... tapi aper yang nak dibuat? hidup maseh diteruskan. muker takleh dimuramkan. nanti lain macam je.. aderker terus tak jadi kawan nanti. ha. haha~ behind all that lafter,that smile, that boinkyness is pain, anger, frustration and everythingelse.. betol tak matrock ha? hahahahahahahhaha.. kesian sak kau.. haha~ harap harap everything turns out well eh bro. ko takmo meletop sua.. aderke nanti saturday kul 3 kau bunuh dier.. nanti sunday lak kau masuk jail.. pastu aku chope kau nyer drum ngan guitar ar... arowana kau pon nanti aku jager baik baik.. haha~ j/k ah beb.. tapi in all seriousness ah.. harap harap ni bender end jgak nanti.. kau doakan la aku sedar sikit jgak eh beb.. ooohhh fuck i feel like fucking everyone near me upside down.. o yah.. im in the library by the way.. at level four full of picit-the-dot-yang-kaler-merah sitting all around me.. kiwakkkkk GERAMNYER AKU PUKIWAAAAKKKKKKKKKK ARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH MOFOBITCVHINKEJAF:IWEF:OAIEJG:IAJE:GJKA:WEKJDF:KWAJD!(&**&)#(*&!@&*$^!)&@$! ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!1 urgh. later- ary - skidded off the path @ 5:39 PM
- Gig at TPJC oG nite!! yayness! - Panjy's starting again ~ haha~ yessaa~ dK beb dk!!! - Term Test next weeeeek.. haha and i havent even touched my darn books - Filament is up and running!! wahahahha~ love our songs man.. - Audi for dinner and dance 2005~ haha~ haha~ first time after so long im feeling so hyped up! wahaha~ uberdupercool! haha~ this morning~ woke up on time.. only to skip classes again~ wahaha~ temankan ria coz she had free time all e way till 12~ haha~ and i found out that there werent any labs so in the end kinda went to school fer zilch. ha! learned a new werd today~ it's called 2 kali 5. which basically means that you and that person is almost the same~ haha its a malay saying la.. e.g "kau ngan dier duer kali limer sak!" haha~ and i didnt know this till rushdi told me that i was like akram fer wad reason i don't understand.. yeah... and damn! i can't borrow stuff from lib coz i've chaled up ten bucks worth of effing finesss.. damn damn damn.... shall find a way to clear the thing la. gonna go s11 later lepak wid yan and yan.. theyre Filament toO! wahahahah uberdupertired, uberduperbored, uberduperhypered.. haha~ Later- skud - missing ya... =D ary - skidded off the path @ 8:33 PM
late fer school again this morning.. woke up late as usual.. shall try not to wake up late again.. i miss you. ate at habibi.. did lotsa thinking .. takkanlah aku jatuh lagik.. mepek ah korang. ah... mite be playin on fri.. ok make that WILL be playing on fri.. i think for adam's band and suff's band.. og nite or sumthing... yeah.. at least that cheered me up abit.. Filament is going great.. we're gonna get that contract man.. haha.. eMo- buk~ ary - skidded off the path @ 11:25 PM |
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:: skud silent screams :: me i_c_3@hotmail.com :: you Sometimes,
you think you know so much about me. You think you finally did break the
silence. Think again. Im not that simple. |
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