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__:: my letters to
you
:: [ ary ] |
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alot of stuff been happening. ran. wandered around. got screened. daisies,roses,samps. sheesha. oh ayuuuu.Hahahah! mimpiyangsempurna. sleepover. sprained wrist. =) thank you fer being there whenver i needed someone. (even though i didnt admit i needed someone.. haha) fer waking up freakin early in the morning juz fer breakfast at p-Ris. fer listening to me unload all the stories i had wanted to unload,that i needed to tell just to get stuff off my chest. fer showing that u actually care =) fer entertaining me and keeping my mind off stuff. fer bringing me to go look at prawns and raw fish? hahaha- fer reminding me to smile and keep me head up. fer everytin. thankyoufromthebottomofmybeeegheart! for that one moment,i felt the feeling of being me. being just me. i miss that feeling. don't you? this place. its slowly eating me inside. its slowly burning me up. i can't last long here. but hey. ive got to brace myself. ive got to last. for everything that hurts you will make you stronger. SkuD- ary - skidded off the path @ 1:29 AM
how beautiful it is, when i see u smile. =) empty all inside. ary - skidded off the path @ 1:14 AM
"the neverending movie" hahaha ary - skidded off the path @ 4:25 PM
main's finally over.. waiting fer supplementaries again.. =S yesterday i was perched ontop of my spot. fer five full hours.. contemplating bout stuff.. it felt good.. went i got home i realised i didnt have time to study. stupid me. watched the tube fer awhile, ate and went off to skl.. got my paper over and done wid in ten mins.. then here i amm. ary - skidded off the path @ 3:31 PM
to a place where i can sit and think. i need to reflect. i need peace. please? ary - skidded off the path @ 2:12 AM
just wanted to add on to my previous entry =) you know, sometimes i just can't help it but laugh out loud at stuff people are entangling themselves into. macam.. takder pasal nak carik pasal~ =) like my friend once said : "i'm still around to watch this movie, with free flow of drinks, popcorn and nachos." i sometimes wonder why people would go to great lenghts to land themselves into deeper shit. No its not cool. You gain no respect. Absolutely no respect. Hmm.but hey, i've emerged a better person? not being werld-ed here but i learn from the mistakes you make. Everytime u give yourself up, eveytime i watch you fall, i shan't do anything to help you out. No. im not evil but sometimes you just hav to be cruel to be kind. =) and as i watch the story of your life unfold, i see how someone can destroy, degrade themselves so slowly, thinking that what they're actually doing is good fer them. all i can do is pray for you. i shall not try to understand what you're tryna do coz it doesnt benefit me anihoots. But i'll not step into your shoes. i'll not tread on your ground. i'll not follow your footsteps. coz can't you see? you're destroying your life. i respected you. respectED. but with your actions, you took away all the respect i had for you overnight. You see, when i keep quiet, it doesnt mean in stupid. I think. I Analyse. I watch what i say. just one question *i*l, What happened? theres so much more on my mind that i wanna splurge. but i'll hold it back. even i have my flaws. -skud. ary - skidded off the path @ 1:53 AM
ha! spent my time today wondering around tamp and marine parade - hmm. the tehkatai @ marineparade too katai. yuck. lookin forward to bintan - =) i got myself a livestrong wristband. hahahaha- yessa! went to CGH - "Eh! anak cucu kau maner??" "Er, nek. Saye lom kawin. " =_=" walked and crapped! crapped and walked! =) took twelve- eh. marine parade and pasir ris tak jauh eh! and i tot it was darnnn far.. i just realised coz i only managed to watch a bit of EPL highlights yeah. on TV Mobile- hahahaha- anytime,anyday,anyhow,anyway~ SkUd-oUt ary - skidded off the path @ 1:38 AM
when ur tired i'll start to feel weary- when you smile it makes my day- even though its just hi's and bye's- unlike the past- i still care for you- even though new people walk into my life- i'll still say a prayer fer you- and for you too. you've changed so much- fer the worst i'd say. but who am i to judge? for an outsider i am, with his mouth sealed shut- and you- thankyou. for showing me how a small guesture can affect one's life. for just being there. and yoU! telimekaseh for etching that smile on my face whenever ur ard =) listening to you whine- is never ever boring =) listening to you express yourself so bubbly-ishly never fails to make me laugh inside. ur the genie, the queen, the cat and whatnots- and i like your nose! =) theres more to life that what you see. dig deep enuf. and u'll finally realise.. ary - skidded off the path @ 12:34 AM
=) tomorrow's my paper. studied close to zilch. and weird,i don't feel..uneasy? mebbe coz i give up. its hard studying something u don't like. and its harder tryna like studying something u dont like. haha- almajlis- orangemint is niceee. yay im jobless. =( tired. take me awayyyy loveee. haha. sKud- ONE QUESTION. DOES BEING GOOD LOOKING FUCKIN MATTERS?!? HUH!?? im not good looking and it doesnt affect me so fuckin well get that outta your system understand???! ary - skidded off the path @ 1:11 AM
of all this. =) whisk me away please? im getting fired. yes from werk. im gonna fail my sem. no im not being freaking pestimistic. im stating facts here. thank you fer taking time to inspire me to study math bblgum. owe you one~ =) pooled. =) im tired. of coming back only to see that face. im tired. of having to smile. i'll be honest. i wanna run. away from all this. follow me you would? -sKud ary - skidded off the path @ 1:46 AM
me not studying still haunting me. silencee.. yesterday i dreamt - she felt so warm - she felt so so warm - when i woke up i got irritated coz i wanted to dream sumore - my mind knows what i yearn for so much - i hope i'll be meeting her again tonite - pathetic. =( too much halib falastin = bad stomach. Love me? anyone? hahahahahahahha - SkuD-Out ary - skidded off the path @ 12:59 AM
=) thank you for taking my mind of stuff.. for awhile.. ary - skidded off the path @ 12:54 AM
i'm mentally exhausted. somebody help me please? i beg you. i don't want to be retained. i don't want to fail. not this time, no.. study in the early morning. tryna cram evtin into my brain. work in the evening. tryna make ends meet. then going back to a dark, silent home. where everyone is asleep. why? why am i doing this? pushing myself to the very limits, smiling when i'm not supposed to. defying orders when they clearly help me. somebody help. mebbe its fated. mebbe im supposed to fail this sem. what am i supposed to do? three more days to mug. to take in new concepts i've never heard of before. it's my fault. skipping those lectures. slacking outside. pooling. skipping tutorials. procrastinating. no its not my fault. why issit this wayyyy. why can he do it? why can't i? why must i be faced with all this stupid arrangements. why must part of me be taken away? why why why. agaisnt whom am i rebelling? she? or myself? WHY am i rebelling in the first place? argh. i don't want to think anymore. God. help me. again.. please? ary - skidded off the path @ 12:21 AM
its slowly killing me inside? your stories, your pictures, your everything. dont you know how i really feel? can't you read by the way i speak? just stop hurting me. even though i know im hurting myself. the world keeps crashing down. it keeps on piling itself. burying me so deep till i cant even see where i stand. thank you. thank you for slowly crushing me. thank you for making me spent countless hours thinking, wondering, screaming. i dont hate you. i hate the feelings you gave me. For after so long... after so freakin long.. no i dont want you to know. i dont want you to feel what i feel. i know you wont care. not that i just know, but i've seen it. i've seen it happen. and i felt it. haiz- when will they see bro? when will.. When will I see? ary - skidded off the path @ 8:59 PM
so much for not procrastinating. just finished my report .. again. yeah.. in a few hours time shall be heading off for werk. ah.. i miss you. =( skud-oUt ary - skidded off the path @ 2:47 AM
ish. burok sak perangai.. kalau kau teraser ah tu ah kau tu. *shakes head* a lesson learnt it life. so yeah i didn't mug at school.. ha- Mungkinkah, bila ku bertanya, pada bintang bintang, dan juga bila ku merasa.. bahasa kesunyiaaann - skuD-ouT getting a new line soon. call me often yeah? ary - skidded off the path @ 9:10 PM
so im in the lib.. supposedly studying or finishing up my tcs report.. only.. i've got zilch mood.. feel like playing pool ar.. anihoots , khai the horny gl's beside me.. with his friend.. who is a girl.. who is cute..who also happens to be my senior. darn. haha.. twenty mins left on this thing.. i dunno whether i wanna study anoott.. alarrr.. someone play pool wid meee.. haha ok.. im bored.. yesterday went jamming with MO. haha.. way cool..the first few songs there were spectators crowding around watching uss.. haha.. way cool.. then after that i think they got bored and i got bored so they went off.. lepaked at KK.. thenn went home and slept.. queen.. =( dont dissaappeeaarrrrrrr... =( okae im done.. i'll see u guys soon i guess.. skUd-oUt ary - skidded off the path @ 4:19 PM
i have a feeling something's just not right. that feeling in ur gut.. freaking uneasy.. freaking wants you to go out there and do something about it. argh. i so totally hate that freaking feeling. double argh. yesterday - dream it do it. the band comp.. we cocked up.. yeah after countless cool,smooth rehearsal we had to cock up on stage. total waste.. haiz.. but the journey was fun.. new lesson learnt? Never Fail to Soundcheck before your gig. even if they're rushing you on. NEVER. -_-" thanx queen fer taking my mind off the results.. treated me to dinner at maccc! haha~ thanxx.. and we searched fer her supposedly missing cash.. hahaha mepeeekkk! dragged to bedok! hahahaha.. and the bus went around the world.. eh wait. did you guys know? sbs drivers take dier buses home.. tau.. met flying cockroaches.. no.. met a BIG flying cockroach.. =S today - was late fer lab test.. =( i am so gonna flunk this sem. i am so so so gonna flunk this sem. hey. i didnt even know there was EDEV labtest yesternoon.. =( fucccttt.. had graded lab fer dfund.. didnt even do the thing.. -_-" i don't like feeling this wayyyyyyy- urgghhh- it is so freaking irritating- YaaDA!!!! ARGH! skud-oUt ps: Queen? did you really smash ur fone? =S did you? =( ary - skidded off the path @ 9:50 PM
i have a feeling something's just not right. that feeling in ur gut.. freaking uneasy.. freaking wants you to go out there and do something about it. argh. i so totally hate that freaking feeling. double argh. yesterday - dream it do it. the band comp.. we cocked up.. yeah after countless cool,smooth rehearsal we had to cock up on stage. total waste.. haiz.. but the journey was fun.. new lesson learnt? Never Fail to Soundcheck before your gig. even if they're rushing you on. NEVER. -_-" thanx queen fer taking my mind off the results.. treated me to dinner at maccc! haha~ thanxx.. and we searched fer her supposedly missing cash.. hahaha mepeeekkk! dragged to bedok! hahahaha.. and the bus went around the world.. eh wait. did you guys know? sbs drivers take dier buses home.. tau.. met flying cockroaches.. no.. met a BIG flying cockroach.. =S today - was late fer lab test.. =( i am so gonna flunk this sem. i am so so so gonna flunk this sem. hey. i didnt even know there was EDEV labtest yesternoon.. =( fucccttt.. had graded lab fer dfund.. didnt even do the thing.. -_-" i don't like feeling this wayyyyyyy- urgghhh- it is so freaking irritating- YaaDA!!!! ARGH! skud-oUt ps: Queen? did you really smash ur fone? =S did you? =( ary - skidded off the path @ 9:50 PM
don't try smiling when deep inside it hurts. okae? at the school lib again.. missed first two lessons.. again.. looking forward to three oclock.. =) Listening to MyChemicalRomance- people watching! shit.. i just remembered.. need to pass the stupid diskette over.. damn. wonder where everybody is.. haha~ an excerpt from MCR's three cheers for sweet revenge : im not whoookayyy.. im nOt okayYyy~ im not hoo-fuckin-kay~ you weaR meee ouUuttt haha~ bugmeeeee.. okae skud-Out.. inananairana sounds nice wadddddd.. *PpPFth!* ary - skidded off the path @ 12:09 PM
just got back from final's rehearsal.. we're the opening band.. haha.. okae.. its good.. and bad la... but hope everythink runs smoothly.. today school was .. okae demo-ed my java application.. bloody helll.. haha that lecturer knew i didnt do the projectt.. ask me helluvalotsastewpid mind blowing questions.. "what does the get.Doublefield code do?" "Can you show me where the data is routed when u click this, step by step?" "What code do you change to enable the choice box to simultaniously change position?" "uhh.." "arrhh.." "aiya! idunno la sir!!!!" *grumbles* then lepak-ed at saffron wid wakrock, akram n co.. akram : "aku tak rokok!!!" -starts rolling himself a stick- akram two minutes later.. -puff puff- me : aku pikeh ko tak isap rokok? akram : aku baru start ah.. duer minit lalu.. =D spastic bugger.. hyperred bout tmr.. wanna go puff.. i'll get back soon la.. inaNanaIrana!! hahaha~ skudout- ary - skidded off the path @ 1:32 AM
im deep in thought. deep in thought bout something you said.. i don't know what you mean when you say what you said.. and i don't want to know coz i myself know that deep inside it'll hurt. down with flu.. and fever.. today went to school to get my freaking presentation over with.. TCS.. A scene in the LT : buk : ok .. now i'll move on to the factors affecting social cohesion.. ...... fuct. wheres the slide ar.. how come not here one.. damn damn damn... yeah.. so half my presentation dissapeared into thin air.. but i bulled all the way thru.. was sneezing every three minutes seh.. damn.. after that went fer java.. just to get my attendace taken.. went out thereafterr.. met fauzi who wanted to go yishun.. so decided to acc queen @ marine parade~ thenn.. my blardi fone made problemmss.. suddenly it refuses to accept sms-es animore.. (value left ? 0 bucks.) haha~ my fault la.. so stoned at stbucks fer three hours before going off.. and the funny thing i didnt even think about grabbing a book of a shelf and reading it.. -_-" had to go fer jam session wid "Just Bhams" again.. =) this time it was productive.. even though hafiz came freaking late. thennnnn.. din heard bubblegum.. "Kakak kau kepe?" "tak ah" "suare cam 14 tahun sak!" -_-" jammed until my hands hurt.. saw Qadir setting his guitar on fire with his fraekishly fast fingers. wow. And he had to see me playing "that" song. urghh.. spoil image! hahaha~ hmm.. still deep in thought bought alot of stuff.. im starting to lose respect.. im starting to get tired.. im starting to feel annoyed.. yada. wad'd u expect hmm? anddd.. bblgum!! sorry bout just now.. =S u waited rite? i waited too.. hahahah.. kirekan we waited fer nuthink ar! haha~ silllyyy.. =D and kakkk! Congrats on thy interview~ =) best of luck on the second one kae? haha im sure u'll get it~ =D and though.. i dont say it often now.. i do miss you.. =( and im not too busy kae? ur much more important compared to other stuff.. tau! Skud-Out waiting- again.. =) ary - skidded off the path @ 10:13 PM
friggin fuct.. its four fourty something in the morning and im still stuck in front of the com.. bubblegum's asleeppp.. not fairrr.. thanx fer accompanying me early in the morning queen~ =) *hUg* finally finilised my java codes. finally got my report ready. finally got my presentation up and running. I am NEVER gonna PROCRASTINATE again. i swear. my eye is killing meeeeee.. argh. i need to go get some sleep before dawn. i'll see you guys around.. =) stop asking me fer money coz im fucking broke you fucking understand? ARGH. ary - skidded off the path @ 4:54 AM
para bintang bintang. dan bila, ku mula berasa~ bahasa kesunyian.. aku kan menghilang dalam pekat malam. selepas aku melayang. ary - skidded off the path @ 2:06 AM
just got back~ =) aloottt of things happened today.. - found out that lela's real nice~ =P *you go queen~ wahahahah~ * - got a job at Samar @ arab street as a waiter.. - sheesha-ed till my tummy cudn't take it nimore.. - went to Telok Kurau.. (haha.. jauh kann?) - went to Penin.. and a whole lot of other things i won't list here la.. tot nak thon.. satu satu taknak ikut.. korang nih.. rabak peh rabak arh.. damn.. however, it just struck me that i've got a freaking report to finish. TCS.. freaking damn. Anihoots thanx fau fer helping me wid my codes. Cud hav died without you.. (actually i was plain lazy la) too bad u cudnt tag along kakk... we'll go another time aite ? =) skud-oUt. ary - skidded off the path @ 1:53 AM
what happened to my world today? it all seemed to go crashing down early in the freakin morning.. smile guys smileee! i'll flunctuate if this continues seh.. Okae. i've flunctuated. everthing seems to go last minute fuckingly wrong. fuck fuck fuck. nahmind.. shall take it all in my stride.. nothing is gonna dampen my day today.. nah uh. argh i need to go to fucking school.. and take my fucking java report.. and then finalise the fucking codes.. kcuf al.. nahmind nahmind nahmind.. ary - skidded off the path @ 10:49 AM
Judge me by the way i carry myself. Like me for the way i am. Coz what i lack in looks , i compensate with attitude. Don't treat me like some rubbish dump, where you throw all your shit at. I can be there to give u a listening ear. I can be there fer you to punch at. But when u dont need me animore, dont leave me in the dumps. dont come to me only when u need to rant about stuff.. wud u expect me to listen ... again? Dont tread over the line when ur with me. a nudge, an occasional insensitive gesture is wad i can take. but if u step over the line, if you take one big step over the line, i'll lose my cool. even if ur'e family. don't go telling the world how u managed to manipulate people. lies , deception and all that shit. You won't get my respect. You won't get me thinking you're cool. when im quiet, its either im stoning, thinking or waiting fer you. if i dont speak a word but smile after u've stabbed me in the back, duh , im pissed. i observe. i choose who to respect. i take in whatever shit ppl throw at me. i take it in, and i digest. before i give my piece of mind. dont think im slow. weigh every word you say. coz i can't stand your mouth anymore. you think its cool doing what u did? think again. you've not only lost my respect, but a whole lot of other ppl's too.. treasure your freaking parents. coz you wont know how fucking shitty it feels if you lose any of em. don't think shallow. they do wad they do coz the freaking love you. They do. trust me. only i realised it a bit too late. dont think coz they like you, i like you too. stop stepping on ppl's head. its STUPID. coz what goes around comes around. think. think before you speak. coz u really pissed me off today. skud-ouT. ary - skidded off the path @ 12:58 AM
beside naz doing his TCS presentation thingey..haha~ he's been at it fer the past few hours while im beside him slacking.. finally got the Project Managent presentation over and done with.. wads left is to actually present the thing itself.. slackkkk.. haha~ i've never told anione how i really got my eye.. cept' fer someone.. others merely think i was born widdit ~ =) im cool widdit though.. =) yesternite stoned till five.. Lie-d (?) on my bed.. strummed guitar, went to kitchen, went back to lying on my bed, strummed guitar yada yada yada... then at five miracurously i went to lalaland.. then my fone sounded so i got up la.. "Queen" yada yada-ed .. went back to sleep.. haha all the way till 11 plus? yeah.. then it hit me that i was supposed to be at school taking my lab test at 9.. so yeah... didn't know that stupid slang-ed math tutor/lecturer actually cared about me.. hahahahahahahaha he asked where i was coz he had a good thought bout debarring me from math.. ah heck cares.. nitty told him i wanted to switch courses... you go girlll.. argh.. gonna be stuck here till nine.. damn. stupid cross disiplinary subject. skud- ary - skidded off the path @ 5:52 PM
just got back from semi rehearsals at school.. our slot cocked up.. =S the av ppl didnt turn the mike on i heard.. yeah.. main utk dorang mendak jgak ah.. rabak.. so yeah.. tomorrow's the semi's.. i've got 1 (one) (uno) ticket. hahaha~ im gonna sell it at 12 bucks!! (right queen rite rite rite? =PpP) haha~ nolar.. whoever wants it tell me la.. tcc,six sharp. third band i think.. moving on moving on.. today sat beside a couple who was doing nonsensical stuff on the bus.. oh wow the guy stared at me as if he was gonna eat me up.. wahahaha.. i sniggered and stayed put.. hahaha~ but then they got off a few stops after i did.. maybe the continued the episode somwhere la.. feeling so darn tired.. like, i can hear the bed calling me.. " buk .. come.... bukkkkk.. commeeeee " ok that was silly. haha~ anihoots.. totally need a break.. im getting 0 fer edev and engmath tests.. coz all i wrote was my name.. and doodled on the math paper.. drew flowers on edev! then got bored so i handed the paper up and went fer lunch. ok shall do something else.. are you gonna come online or nootttt? ishhhh... skUd- ary - skidded off the path @ 12:55 AM
was wondering then Pop! hahaha~ hyperred? nahhh~ haha~ bye~ ary - skidded off the path @ 12:00 AM |
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:: skud silent screams :: me i_c_3@hotmail.com :: you Sometimes,
you think you know so much about me. You think you finally did break the
silence. Think again. Im not that simple. |
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